God Wink

I like to use the term "God Wink" when I feel like God is looking at me and Wink's His eye to say... "I've got this Brittney, I hear you and I love you" --- They are pretty much my favorite! :)

Like I cannot even wrap my brain around some of these and how God sees us.. He sees us, and knows what we need and fulfills those needs according to HIS timing and plan and our obedience. Ah.. Just so good.

So It's no secret we miss Andy (I will call him that for Blog purposes) ... I am not sure some understand as it's hard to understand, but it has left a hole in us that hurts every day. It does not feel right not having him here and I daydream about him being back.

Anyhow... You all know we've only heard from him that one time, a few days after he left. We have not heard specifically from him, but we have heard from "Him". God has heard us and provided us with smiles and re-assurance when we just want to cry, yet God keeps giving.

I've been doing a bible study this year in Revelation (scary huh) lol... That's some pretty intense business back there in the back of the Bible... Anyhow, Since Andy has gone back, and I have started school I have managed to not find the time to complete my bible study before each meeting on Wednesdays. It's bad, but it's true.

So After last week and not having my questions answered AGAIN I thought... BRITTNEY ANN what that you have going on is MORE important than spending time in God's word. I've created legitimate excuses in my mind, but none of which are reason enough to put God second. NONE. IF God is not first in our lives, all the other things we put first will be taken from us.. God desires and expects to be first in our lives and has no problem weeding out the hindrances in that. He will find a way to bring us back to Him and put Him FIRST in our lives. Above all...

So I grabbed up my bible study yesterday and sat outside while Brecklynn played. Then my mommy guilt set it- watching her play and not playing with her so I can do what "I" want. As hard as it is and as crazy as it may sound to some God expects to be put BEFORE even our own children. That is a tough one for Mommy's to swallow... or wives. Nothing is to come before God. Nothing. So... on with my bible study... I came to a part that stopped me in my tracks.

"Although the Bible teaches otherwise, we equate a smooth path with God's pleasures and see difficulties as bad"

This particular section of Revelation speaks about suffering. That when Christians suffer we feel like God cannot see us, or isn't listening. Or we wonder "Why on earth would God cause His people to suffer". Like the part from my study states "Although the bible teaches otherwise". We think being Christians gets into this elite group of people that bad things no longer happen to. That's as far away from the truth as you can get... personally I think life only gets Harder... but the hard we go through is for the greater good and that makes it worth it. God's people will suffer far greater in this earthly life in order to obtain eternal life. It's just part of it. --- That is a sermon for a Sunday morning from a seasoned Pastor.. I am not that. ha. Also, let me share that I do not feel as though we are "suffering" necessarily with missing Andy. It's just hard. Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes and is tolerated and understood differently by everyone. We just miss our boy and hate that he has to suffer.

So on to my point for this.

That part "we equate a smooth path with God's pleasures and see difficulties as bad". Ah.. for us, maybe me particularly, that is ever so true with this Hosting life. I think that if it does not fall correctly into place and all ducks do not line up in their perfect row that God must not agree with what we are doing How wrong am I. What a relief that is. That even if it is not going as smoothly as I (us know it all Humans *insert sarcasm here*) think it should go we think God is not with us. Well let me tell you about how He is with US in this.

Remember I tell no lies here. lol

I was on our private FB page fixing to type a sob story about how I miss my boy... Ok, maybe not a sob story.. but just that we miss him and miss him a lot.

At that very moment I received a message through FB from the chaperon that came over with the children and flew them back.

Let me back track... Last week in my desperation to here from Andy I reached out to her to see if there was any way we could talk to him, or find out how he is doing

--That has been the not so great part about hosting, not being in contact like we had thought we would... BUT every rose has it's thorns and we are SO thankful for the hosting opportunity and will speak highly and recommend it 10 times over.. but i'd be lying If I said that part has been smooth, but we Understand. There is an 8 hour time difference, a Language barrier that is FOR REAL and these children live in orphanages where in some cases the directors could not care any less if these children ever saw or heard from their American Families again....so I get it. Just makes it hard on us that miss them so much here in the states.

Ok... so back to today... logged into the private page, and the message comes up.

"Hi there!!!!! I spoke to a social worker :)))) Andy is good, he misses you all :((((( She said she will send me some photos and I will send you then. She will find you on FaceBook (I gave her your name) and Andy will try to call you :)))))"

I cried.

God heard me, God sees me and God never leaves us. He restores us when we feel depleted. He gives us what HE knows we need not what WE think we need.

So the moral to this loooonnnngggg (because I jabber way too much) story. Is as Christians, or what our Pastor likes to say (and the Bible) Disciples of Christ, we are to trust. We are to endure suffering, and when things do not go smoothly according to our plan, they are going smoothly according to God's perfect plan.

They tell you they grow up fast but...

Ah.. Yes, another post about how our children grow up so fast and how we need to make sure and "Enjoy the moment."  Well folks, until we realize the absolute truth in that we will miss one giant part of their lives.  When they are kids.
 I realize now, sadly enough almost too late for my oldest, that it really is a matter of enjoying the moment because there is so much those who told us "They grow up so fast" forgot to tell us.  Enjoying does not mean you have to be smiling or this super-mom/dad I can do it all kind of parent.  It simply means to embrace each day, whether that be with smiles, tears, laughter or sobbing, embrace the day that you have with your children while they are still kids.

So... It hit me hard while watching my boys play and interact at a playground last weekend that while people always tell you "They grow up so fast" they never seem to tell you the part about them not being kids anymore.  I know, I know, it sounds crazy that in them telling me they grow up so fast that I didn't catch on about them not being kids, but I didn't.  Am I alone in this?  I'd like to think not, but maybe so... If I'm not alone and you didn't realize it either... it's true.  They will not be kids anymore.

They tell you they grow up fast, but they leave out the part about them no longer running around in their underwear with their super man capes, swords and Captain America Masks while fighting the intruding (imaginary) bad guy.

They tell you they grow up but they leave out the part about them not coming to snuggle in bed with you anymore for no other reason than wanting to be near you and hold your hand.  The long talks at night while listening to them breathe and thanking God for each of those breaths, and those tiny hands holding yours.

They tell you they grow up but they leave out the part that they'll wake up one morning and want to dress themselves for school and will refuse to wear "handsome" clothes - I mean...I don't consider handsome to be just jeans and a shirt... but my 9 year old does and he now only wants to wear "athletic" clothes.  That's a battle you'll learn to not fight as long as they kind of match when they walk out the door... key word, kind of.

They tell you they grow up fast, but leave out the part about them wanting to do everything all by themselves.  They do not tell you they will not need you anymore.  Well, I mean, yes they still need you, but not like they used to... the times when if we heard "mommy can you..." one more time we thought we'd scream, yet in these days we just want to hear the word mommy... Oh yeah they don't tell you that either.. that they will not call you mommy anymore.  They call you this weird name that sounds like "mom"??? What is that and who is that?? I am mommy I do not know this "Mom" Creature!!

They tell you they grow up fast but leave out the part about them taking showers!  Like these little humans, these one's I used to tickle as I washed their feet, or held their head afloat during their first bath while trying to keep their umbilical cord dry - yes.. that piece of us that is still attached to them when they enter this world... Yeah, It falls off and they start taking showers.  Seriously, just like that.

They tell you they grow up fast, but do not tell you that they will not want you to hold their hand at school, or anywhere for that matter!  OH, and kisses in front of their friends... yeah, big no no!  I still sneak them in though, and really I kiss all of his little friends heads,  and thankfully he's not *too* resistant yet.. but it's dangerously close.

They tell you they grow up fast, but they do not tell you that that their zest for pretend play, imaginary things, and made up games are not longer noticeable.  Or that when we go to hunt for treasure that they are looking for $100 bills now not rocks, trash, old bottles, golf balls, sticks... yeah, none of that.. Just the big bucks! that's where it's at now.

They tell you they grow fast but fail to tell you they will no longer like their little brother.  Now they'll still "love" them... but liking them, no... Not any more.  We've been blessed with 3 sweet babies, two of which are the older brothers and when they were younger they played, and they played so good together.  To stand outside of their room while they were giggling, building, and being brothers one more time sure would be nice.   I'm sure the little brother would think so too... He's still "little" and after realizing these truths I'm soaking that up a little more.

 

Oh... They also tell you they grow up fast but forget to tell you they have this attitude, and are not afraid to use it!  What happened to the boy who thought I hung the moon??  The boy who lit up when I'd talk.. Now when I talk, I'm pretty sure he closes his eyes and his ears and proceeds to whisper to himself how un-cool I am.

They also tell you they grow up so fast but do not tell you they will not let you take pictures of them anymore...  unless you are a ninja and can get one quick enough,  however, they will be making some ridiculous face or it will be blurry because your ninja skills need some work.

But...

What they also forget to tell you is it's ok.  Or will be.. because some days it does not seem ok.

They tell you they grow up fast but forget to tell you they will begin to be their own person.  They will begin to like and love what they like and love not what you do, and that's OK and very interesting to watch take place.

They tell you they grow up fast, but forget to tell you that, while you are maybe not "cool" you are still the only person they want to see when they don't feel good.  The person they confide in and say "you better not put this on FB" lol!  Times have changed... I would have been like... you better not pick up that rotary phone and spin that little dial.  <---- Yea, we had one.  Don't hate.

They tell you they grow up fast, but forget to tell you that the person they are becoming, while at the time does not seem to reflect ANYTHING you have shown them or taught them in the year's prior, is the person they are supposed to be.  They cannot always be naive.

They will grow up, they will be different and although I wish it back sometimes just because I feel like I didn't understand all that came with "They grow up so fast"  and listen mine is only 9!!  Lol... God help me when I'm sharing my thoughts on my teenager.  It is an honor to be able to sit back and watch your babies become who God created them to be. As much as it pains me to write, to see them not need you as much, to figure things out on their own, and to cultivate friendships that us as mothers and fathers cannot give them is a true gift of God.  God does not allow some parents the chance to see their children grow up.  So I am humbled by the fact that God has trusted me thus far, and continues to allow me to see my babies grow up.

So next time someone tells you "They grow up so fast"  please know what they meant to say is that they will not be kids anymore.  So stare at them, count their freckles,  listen to them breathe, cut their finger nails and not get grossed out, tell them you love them 1 bazillion times a day.  Tell them you are proud of them, laugh, and laugh HARD with them.   Take many pictures... It is the only proof you'll have that they were kids because there will be a day where you will wonder if they ever were?Take them on walks just because they still want to go on walks.  Wash their hair and try to count each strand.  Talk about the world unknown during the time that whatever you tell them is still true.  Soon enough everything you tell them is a lie and absurd.   Because, we know nothing right??  I know, I don't know anything either.  Luckily we haven't' gotten to this phase yet with either of my boys and I am also thankful that we have not jumped full fledged into each of these I listed, we've just tip toed in them all.. some we've gotten pretty wet with though. I know it's coming, It's on our doorstep... I'm Pretty sure it's during those teenage years everyone talks so poorly about that we get the FULL effect of them all..  I'm praying for them though and praying to have God's guidance... it's our only hope if we are honest with ourselves.  WE as parents are just the people in which God works through to raise HIS children.  We just have to be willing to see that, accept it and do our job that God has called us to do, be parents.  The good, the bad, the easy and the hard... It's all party of the bigger picture.

So I'll leave you with... They grow up so fast and will not be kids anymore so savor it and kiss them.