Let me tell you that expectation of what could be can never compare to the beauty God has prepared for the will be. Here's what I expected. I expected Andriy to be at the bus stop waiting for me when we were dropped off. He wasn't. Then I expected him to be waiting outside his door when we arrived. He wasn't. I then expected that he would be grinning ear to ear and wrap those arms around me so tight the moment he saw me. He didn't, and all that I had expected left me feeling just as distant from him in this moment as the ocean that had separated us only 2 days prior.
His grandmother opened the door and Andriy came walking behind her from his room as if we were a couple of guests he see's daily. I was behind Kostya a bit, and Kostya first hugged grandma as she began to cry. Remember, we are here because just 8 days prior her husband, Andriy's grandfather had suddenly passed away. Kostya then introduced me and I hugged that sweet soul and held on for dear life. I do not often wish for the language barrier to be dismissed, and it's mostly likely due to the fact that we've never had a language barrier with Andriy. He, unlike most of these kids, came speaking incredible English. Yet here, in this country with this newly widowed woman I wanted nothing more to assure her of our love and prayers as well as how sorry I was.
Andriy then gave Kostya a hug, and then it was my turn. My expectations at this point were basically that he would even notice me, so YAY for him seeing I was there! He half hugged me, said nothing, like he often does in the presence of people and we went in. They had what would be considered a "mud room" just inside the first door of their house, and then it led to the door that would take you into his home. It is still, to this day, so difficult to wrap my brain around ME being IN his home.
Kostya and Grandma began talking and Andriy had shown me where his room was. A small room with two twin beds across from each other, a small desk with a TV on it, a China cabinet type thing and an armoire (which held the 13 suitcases we've sent- ha). We then all made our way to the living area. You know me and my love of pictures. The first picture I spot in their living room was of Matt's basketball team from a couple of years prior. Then a few of Andriy that we had sent back with him that I had thought his grandparents would like to have of him.
While in here I gave his grandmother a gift I had brought for her. This gift was very difficult to
decide upon. I wanted to give her the world for all she had done for Andriy, and had recently gone through, but the world wouldn't fit in my suitcase, or at least my idea of the world wouldn't. So instead God had reminded me of a piece of her world, one that she had recently lost.We had a picture from Andriy's first tablet on our computer that was of his grandmother and grandfather sitting together on the couch with one of their dogs. So I took this image into Photoshop and tried to enhance it as best I could as it was terrible quality! I was able to restore it to recognizable shape and had two 5x7's printed and framed to give to her. I gave them to her and she quickly began to thank me and speak about his grandfather and that particular picture I had. She placed one on the small table in their living room and the other she had taken to her bedroom. God knew what he was doing with this thought He game me because she did not have any pictures of them, aside from a wedding picture, on display in their house.
She then began to rummage through their cabinet and pull out old pictures. She found many of Andriy when he was a small child, the youngest being about 2 which was a picture of Andriy sitting on the lap of his mother. I'll share more about this later in another post of how God worked a beautiful moment and reminder, but to see that image was beautiful and heart breaking. So much emotion. She also showed one of he and his grandfather when he was about 3 or 4. This too was emotional as we have heard
At this point grandma and Kostya had gone into the kitchen to talk with each other and the first of
two MUCH needed but never expected moments happened. As I sat in the chair in their living room, Andriy had come over and sat on my lap, like that of the image I had seen of he and his mother, only 9 years difference. My heart. One thing about Andriy and how/when he shows affection is that he only shows it most often when it is just he and I, especially in unfamiliar situations, which me being there was highly unfamiliar. Almost NEVER is it when other people are around, unless it is our very immediate family. Despite knowing this about him I still had those movie quality expectations earlier in the day of what it would be like to see him in his country. But God had better.
After Kostya and grandmother had come back into the living room and we had visited for a while, Andriy sitting across the room of course now, I had gotten up to get a drink from the Kitchen. While in there Andriy walked in. Earlier in the day I had asked a couple of times if I could give him a hug to which he had shook his head with a hard to explain expression, but just know that I knew not to go near him. However when he walked in and I said "hug"? He walked straight into my arms, his wrapped so tight around me and said "I love you mom". It was as if God was looking on us and
That brief moment in the kitchen, that hug that I had been hoping for and expecting to come much sooner in the day came right in the beauty of their kitchen. It came moments after I held an image of him and his mother in my hand and questioned many things. A picture that I know he knew I saw because he too looked through the pictures like we did. It came just after he had come to sit with me in the chair, just like that of he and his mother.
It came right when God intended.
It came right when I was feeling the overwhelming feeling of maybe he is uncomfortable with me being his "mom" and being here. This place he once was with his mom. Maybe it's too much.
Him running down the street to meet us at the bus station would have been a wonderful picture, and one I would have loved to be able to keep in my memory bank. However, what I did not realize was while creating my expectation of what could be God had already prepared the beauty of what was to be. This 12 year old boy wrapped around me and the words "I love you mom" leaving his heart. Words that had he had not been able to speak in over 8 years in that kitchen was a beauty that no bus stop could have ever lived up to!
A reminder that instead of expecting what could be we should instead wait for God to show us how beautiful His plan already is.
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